Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Empty Toilet Rolls

photo from google images

Yet another emotional hurdle to overcome in this new race of Stay at Home Dad.  It all seemed to come out while bobo was blowing his nose.  Let me clarify.  Taking about 10 sheets of TP just to stick a tiny corner in his nose and wipe it.  I found this interesting toilet paper usage analysis article by Josh Madison from a few years ago.  Funny and interesting read:

Now I didn't get all crazy just because I am slightly bugged by finding empty toilet rolls 9/10 times that would just be ridiculous.  I'm a man dang it!
I realized I was feeling more like a failure and less like a husband and father to my family.  I grew up with my dad being the "bread winner" and my mother staying home with the 4 kiddos until we were all out of elementary schools.  It was instilled in me that I as a man would be the sole provider for my family and that my future wife would be at home with the kids.  Having that as a mindset for so many years and suddenly I am at home while my wife is working is a tough pill to swallow.  I would have totally stayed at my workplace but knowing the lack of spiritual development that I would gain there was the weighing factor.  Its tough choosing to leave the place you have worked for the last 6 1/2 years. It is however, what I needed to do to better my family.

I was thinking back to when my wife was a single mom of 2 and was forced in a way to go back to work.  She would tell me how torn she felt at not being home with her kids like she had since they were born.  I never fully understood how she was feeling and thought it was one of those "women" things they deal with instinctively.  I was partially right in thinking that.  However, I now have a much stronger understanding of how she was feeling inadequate as a mother not being there for her children.  I started feeling the same about not being a provider for my family in the way that I was "suppose" too.
I have found greater pride and accomplishment in taking care of the kids (school, homework, violin practice, etc), taking care of the home and "trying" to make things easier and less stressful for when my wife gets home from her long days of work.
I know this will be a daily, weekly and continual learning experience but I am willing to let my pride down and experience all these wonderful memories with my children and wonderful wife, whom I am sure will post a response to this :)

Bring it On!

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