Back to 9-5

Okay so it has been a long while since my last post.  Sorry for being busy and happy at the same time.  Wait, I am not sorry I am stoked!

I got myself a real job again putting me back on track to my career goal.  It has its pros and cons of course but at least I am not running my self into the ground feeling like I can never get anything accomplished.  This was the feeling I had the majority of the time while at home.  I loved the time with my kiddos but really missed grown up conversations.

We took a Step Family class that was offered through Utah State University the past 6 weeks.  Marcella and I went into it with different expectations as most couples would I think.  It was free mind you.  I thought it would be more of a trial and error so that the University could produce more structured materials for future classes.  Marcella went into it thinking we would get help, support and tools to use in our home and build stronger step-relationships with our kids.  I could bore you all with the nonsense that was discussed by some of the couples or the lack of tools and structure of the class but all in all we met some Great Families that share our frustrations and challenges.  It is amazing to think that once you have been married with kids it would be so much easier the second time around.  LOL!  Boy were we way off!  The MAIN point that w
e took from that class was the importance of building our own personal relationship to be unbreakable and everything else will be manageable.  It has been a wonderful experience so far focusing on her and I so that we can be strong and stable for our kids while they go through their learning/trial period.

I just wanted to post a quick tidbit of where we are now and let everyone know what an Amazing Family I have been blessed with.  I hope I can continue to grow in patience and kindness and our children follow suit.

Thanks for reading and I will try and be better at regular posts :)

The New More Patient and Kind Tage!

Time to Step it Up as an Example!

harlan erskine blog

It started with just a "how I feel" conversation about appropriate texts between us and our ex's but turned into something more important and long term.  As my wife and I were talking about how each of us felt and how we could be more respectful and trusting of the others decisions, she told me something that really left an impression.  She brought up how I have an ability to make others; complete strangers even, feel important and appreciated.  However, one of my weaknesses is showing that same importance to the ones closest to me.  I don't know why that is but it is something I have been working to improve since my divorce.  She told me that I am the one our children are looking to as an example and that I have a very important role in their future lives and how they treat others, handle their emotions and reactions to stress and bullying.

I took this very personal and will do my best to teach our children how to be a great asset to the community, church, family and friends.  Our boys especially need to see how a man can apologize and it be okay.  It is a mutual need for our kids to see and hear us say " I'm sorry" to each other.  When they see this they will gain an understanding for how a husband should treat his wife and family as well as understand it is okay to be the first to apologize even when things are done on accident.

I can notice this most in my own son and how he reacts when he is confronted with an opportunity to apologize for an accidental injury to his brother.  Instead he gets defensive like I do and blow it off.  When it would be just so much easier to say "oh man I am sorry.  I totally didn't mean to do that."  This is definitely harder to improve on than I could imagine.  Undoing years of a bad habit takes a lot of conscientious decisions and time to overcome.  I really truly hope I can teach my son this and have him see how I treat others in a kind and respectful way so that he doesn't grow up with the same struggles that I had to deal with.  I am excited to see the change in his confidence and attitude along with the change in myself.  I am grateful to have the support of such an Amazing Women in my life:)

I can already feel the change in the air!

I'm such a Lazy A!

courtesy of line maro

Saturday is finally here!  I get a break from having my time occupied 80% of the day.  I do sleep sometimes when I can at night, but even then my mind is constantly running through random things I could, should or would like to do, at some future point in time.  I found this to be a great Saturday Motto:  "Hard Work Pays Off in the Future, Laziness Pays Off Now"

I think this is a common mood found in most of the guys I know.  It must be instinctual because we are so busy throughout the week and Sunday is a spiritual day so Saturday is our literal "day of rest."

I have found that I need to start my day off doing something right away or else I am lost in the black hole of "I don't want to do anything today" mood.  This often happens when I don't eat breakfast, back is way sore and don't want to take anymore ibuprofen.  It tends to be my own fault when I get into this mood and unfortunately as was communicated to me this evening, I am not the only one who is affected by this. This is my newest issue I am focusing on, to change of course.  Okay, I will try at least. No promises;)

How many of your spouses have issues (even if it's as simple as him/her not putting the toothpaste away) that affect you but you have never mentioned it to your spouse?  It should be approached in a tasteful manner by the way.  Going right up to them and telling them you have issues with them won't work.  Walls will instantly go up I can promise that!  Here is a great time to mention some things you yourself may need assistance with fixing.  Try it out and let them now you have something you need their help with.  Then ask if there is anything  you could help them with.  Try it out and see how it goes.  Remember to be thinking of your spouse and don't get defensive. Good luck its going to be tough.

On a lighter note, my Wife made the BEST brownies tonight for me.  Even when I am a lazy A she is still thinking of ways to make me happy.  That is a great spouse!!!

       

Bread winner No More!

Thanks to Colourbox.com

I took on the task of cleaning all the bathrooms today and needed a break so I read MY WIFE'S blog to see her latest post.  I need to keep up on the newest learning experiences that marriage brings.

I will post about some tips for "Cleaning the Bathrooms Tage Style!" later so check back soon.

"Bread and Milk"

When you hear your spouse say they are going to run and grab some bread and milk, what should we be expecting when he/she returns from the store?  Correct! Bread and Milk.  Now, lets play this out when one of the spouses; lets say the husband just for an example, is recently a stay at home dad.  Keep in mind this is a hard thing for a man of the house to do but does so for the benefit of his family.  This is where the husband reacted the way he did about the "extra" items, because the husband (if you haven't guessed it's me) is now overly aware of the tighter financial strain his family will be facing.

I most certainly do appreciate how well my wife is able to stock our home with food and supplies for the kids and stay within our allotted budget.  She even spends under the budget which is fantastic!  However, that in most cases isn't directly communicated to her as she walks in the door with "extra" goods.  I as a person need work on being much less literal in life.  It doesn't seem to do anyone any good but annoy them and frustrate them.  I am grateful that I have a sassy wife so that I am not too over bearing.  She puts me in check at times but only when needed;)

Fella's please learn to appreciate your wife for all the thought she puts into keeping you and your family happy with the little things she does without you really being aware of.  How is it that the butter tray is full all the time, is the salt n pepper always refilling itself, your deodorant never seems to run out... weird right?  I am  slowly learning that its almost like watching sports on TV.  We get to see them at their best and not worrying about all the practices or how hard each member of the team has been working on their weaknesses.  We just expect them to be great at what they do.  Praise your wife's practice time and how hard she is working at being the best Mom, and Wife she knows how to be.  If you think you can do it better than do it yourself, I dare ya!

Happy Conversations:)

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Empty Toilet Rolls

photo from google images

Yet another emotional hurdle to overcome in this new race of Stay at Home Dad.  It all seemed to come out while bobo was blowing his nose.  Let me clarify.  Taking about 10 sheets of TP just to stick a tiny corner in his nose and wipe it.  I found this interesting toilet paper usage analysis article by Josh Madison from a few years ago.  Funny and interesting read:

http://joshmadison.com/2007/05/09/toilet-paper-usage-analysis/

Now I didn't get all crazy just because I am slightly bugged by finding empty toilet rolls 9/10 times that would just be ridiculous.  I'm a man dang it!
I realized I was feeling more like a failure and less like a husband and father to my family.  I grew up with my dad being the "bread winner" and my mother staying home with the 4 kiddos until we were all out of elementary schools.  It was instilled in me that I as a man would be the sole provider for my family and that my future wife would be at home with the kids.  Having that as a mindset for so many years and suddenly I am at home while my wife is working is a tough pill to swallow.  I would have totally stayed at my workplace but knowing the lack of spiritual development that I would gain there was the weighing factor.  Its tough choosing to leave the place you have worked for the last 6 1/2 years. It is however, what I needed to do to better my family.

I was thinking back to when my wife was a single mom of 2 and was forced in a way to go back to work.  She would tell me how torn she felt at not being home with her kids like she had since they were born.  I never fully understood how she was feeling and thought it was one of those "women" things they deal with instinctively.  I was partially right in thinking that.  However, I now have a much stronger understanding of how she was feeling inadequate as a mother not being there for her children.  I started feeling the same about not being a provider for my family in the way that I was "suppose" too.
I have found greater pride and accomplishment in taking care of the kids (school, homework, violin practice, etc), taking care of the home and "trying" to make things easier and less stressful for when my wife gets home from her long days of work.
 
I know this will be a daily, weekly and continual learning experience but I am willing to let my pride down and experience all these wonderful memories with my children and wonderful wife, whom I am sure will post a response to this :) http://standingwithtage.blogspot.com/

Bring it On!

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I am a Certified Chocolate Milk Master!

courtesy of Google Image

                                           

I have been a Chocolate Milk Master for the last 13yrs.  The 19yrs prior to that I was an apprentice under the infamous Momma Hill!!!  It was during those learning years through trial and error that I perfected the art of making chocolate milk.  The Modern History of Chocolate Milk is a great read.

Clank, Clank Clank... in a non harmonious way.  I can feel the glass hurting, as she is so rudely beats on the glass in an not so fluid manner.  I kindly offered my expertise to my wife so that our kiddos could experience chocolate milk the way I remember.  It was definitely NOT because I am an overbearing husband who likes to have things done his own way;) I am slowly coming to the conclusion that it is okay for others to do things there own way and it has no effect on my eternal salvation!

I was just trying to show my wife the ways of Mamma Hill.  I suppose I was kindly told that my assistance was not needed at that moment in time and that I should "back off"!  At least that's what I heard her eyes say lol.

I have the MOST amazing wife who takes such great care of our kiddos. She is always planning ahead so that when the kiddos say they  need something, it's like Mary Poppins and her never ending bag of tricks.  In this marriage I am again finding myself in the apprentice's shoes as I learn from the Master Mom.
This post was in response to my Wife's previous post.

What Really Happened!

So I am a Stay at Home Dad now.  Does this mean that my wife and I's roles literally reverse?  

Does the A/C unit emit subtle spurts of Estrogen? I mean really, why would I be easily offended and or angered at the fact the my wife had to work later than she told me she would?

She calls me and says that her work is offering OT so I am like, "heck yes! I don't have a job and that will help us a ton."  That was only in my head I said those words.  I actually said, "you should take it."  She tells me she will be done around 7-7:30pm.  She also mentioned she may go into work on Saturday so she doesn't have to stay so late.  That is all the information I received from her.  7:30pm comes and goes.  She finally calls when she is done and I say jokingly (not really) half an hour huh!  She instantly gets defensive and sounds snappy.  I say, "i will just let you drive home and cool off..."  ps dads don't say this to your wife who has worked 10 hrs because you don't have a job.  We hang up.

She gets home and I am folding the laundry in our room.  She says, "HI...(with attitude)" changes and than walks downstairs where she remains for about 45min.  She than comes up and we proceed to have a CONVERSATION about it.  We talk about how She is not feeling appreciated by me not thanking her for working so hard and putting in those long hours.  I was angry because I had worked hard around the house with getting the kids off to school and packing them for their weekend with their dad in Wyoming.  I made dinner and had it ready for her but she was late and didn't tell me so dinner was cold and the chicken was way too dry from being in the oven too long.

In all reality I would feel the same way she was feeling when I was working and would have to stay late for a client event or sales meeting or whatever.  She would feel underappreciated because she had been working very hard around the house and making dinner and doing things with the kiddos and I would come home and be angry at not being appreciated.  Same reasons she was angry at me for not appreciating her hard work.  I am quickly learning the very vital emotional truths about women and what they need to feel loved and appreciated from their husbands.

Open communication is the Key!  If you each know 100% how the other is feeling than you know how to change your actions and stop being an ASSumer all the time! ( I made that word up so I didn't have to swear lol)  This one event has made me greatly appreciate my wife and all those mothers out there who at first glance don't appear to have busy days but my gosh I have less time now than working 50-60hrs a week!

We as fathers need to be less selfish and prideful and respect our Wives.  Wives, i'm sorry but you need to try and be a little less easily offended by the things your husbands say.  99% of it is out of stupid ignorance.  Seek out patience in your life and when you walk in that door, Listen first; Then Think; Say, "Thank You and I Love You"; Then Kiss her!